Married at First Sight Mzansi S2: 5 experts, 1 question
We asked the experts one question: What does respect in a marriage look like?

As our Married At First Sight Mzansi Season 2 couples bring us Sunday love on DStv, they’ll have five experts guiding them on the path to making their marriage to a perfect stranger work.
We sat down with these experts – relationship coach Linda Yende, conflict resolution expert Khanyi Yende, counsellor and author Thabang Mashego, gynaecologist and sexologist Dr Mpume Zenda, and marriage officiator and counsellor Pastor Xolani Hlitana – to chat about one key marital issue: respect.
Stream Married At First Sight Mzansi Season 2, Sundays at 6PM on Mzansi Magic Channel 161. All previous episodes are available on DStv Stream.
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5 experts, one question
Linda Yende
The couples that will struggle want the idealised version of marriage without knowing what they, in turn, are willing to contribute. When these expectations are not met, it leads to resentment, and resistance, and respect goes out the window.
When both partners are self-aware and respectful, they communicate openly, creating a feedback loop of empathy and accountability. Problems become opportunities for growth instead of sources of resentment. They honour each other’s individuality while nurturing the bond they share. Mutual respect ensures you treat each other well. Self-awareness ensures you understand yourself well enough to do so. Empathy, equality, and emotional maturity are qualities that sustain love in the long run.
Khanyi Yende
Marriage is a partnership and therefore respect for self and one another is required. Holding yourself in high regard without the ability to see yourself as a flawed person is a huge blind spot. You have to unlearn certain behaviours and responses that are baggage from life experiences, projected onto the other person. You continuously have to integrate contradictory feelings and thoughts.
Having an open mind is crucial. You can love a person without having to love everything about them. In order to co-exist with care and compassion, people need to give one another a good foundation from which they launch into their world with safety, stability and predictability.
Thabang Mashigo
Real connections are rare, and rare connections are real. In Married At First Sight Mzansi, “Sight” is not always just about what you see, but rather what you are willing to discover in an individual. Discovering the character traits that teach you to compromise, the behaviours that need to be unlearnt as a means to cleave to love, or it may just look like healing from a previous relationship that almost broke you.
The highest form of respect in a marriage is the ability to still hold your partner at the highest esteem, even when you disagree. It is choosing connection over convenience, and peace over a recurring pattern. Respect is creating an environment where love can grow without chaos. It is being in a union where you are celebrated and not tolerated. Marriage should be the safest place in the world.
Dr Mpume Zenda
The interpretation of respect is not universal. Cultural background, upbringing, past relationships, religious values and, ultimately, one’s self-awareness and personal growth will have a felt impact on how one interprets respect. How they show respect to others is a direct reflection of the respect they hold sacred for themselves. Respect begins with the self, an acknowledgement that you are worthy to be, and to occupy space and express yourself freely – but never at the expense of another.
The opposite is a more detrimental position or attitude. This is the most dangerous of “the four horsemen” that predict relationship failure. Contempt is open disdain for someone who is considered unworthy of one's concern or respect. No one can stay in a relationship where they are constantly shown contempt. It violates self-worth.
Pastor Xolani Hlitana
There are two types of respect: the respect that I deserve as a human and the respect that I earn. These two are both a major requirement for a marriage. Respect means different things to men and women. To one (men), it is a need, and to the other (women), it is a tool of affirmation. It is critical for couples, when they get married, to understand what respect means to each other, as this meaning depends on ethnicity, culture, education level, age, etc.
Respect in a marriage defines how to treat each other, and how to carry yourself. Respect for self and partner is the first thing that goes out the window before all other marital ills infiltrate the marriage.
Please note that responses have been edited for length.
Watch Married At First Sight Mzansi Season 2, Sundays at 6PM on Mzansi Magic Channel 161 and live stream on Showmax. All previous episodes are available on DStv Stream and on Showmax.